A HAND IN THE FOG

XI

She didn’t know why exactly but for many days she felt some uncomfortable sensation. Her emotions were strange, as if she had seen a new landscape but couldn’t understand where she was. Or if she was listening a new language: she could understand but couldn’t translate – or better the opposite.

Something very strong was disturbing her for days and nights.

It was difficult to sleep. For hours in the middle of the night she was with opened eyes. It was the first time in all her entire life that she couldn‘t sleep normally.

They were together for ten days. They had a wonderful trip to a part of her country that she also didn’t know. It was a beautiful city inside the forest. The food was unforgettable. The smell of the city invited to be there. The people were warmish and friendly. The climate was so hot. And it was the black horse. Walk on the beautiful black horse it was an unforgettable experience. She loved it.

Sit in front of the huge river they discovered a new way to look at the planet.

And they were closer than before. For some reason that travel was much more emotional than the others they did before. They were all time hands by hands. Smiles. Kisses. New codes. They cared each other with so much tender. The nights and the days were full of magic sensations.

She remembered the dinner’s time. Delicious places. Delicious wine. One special night she said some foolish phrase and he smiled so happy – what it was not so usual. But when he was truly happy – he smiled as if not existed past or future – only that small moment all over the world and inside and outside their bodies. Their bodies were the limits of the time. The time put their bodies out of it limits.

When he smiled like this – she was full of joy – and touched him so soft.

They travel back from this magic city to her home for be together more three days. One morning he asked while shaved – can we go to the beach near here the day after tomorrow?

It was a double feeling. The day after tomorrow as he said it was the day he would be back to his country – this was sad. But he and his unconscious tried to forget – this was nice.

She kissed him so much. Like the joke between them: many kisses so fast with a sweet noise. He seemed feel the same as she.

The farewell between them was stronger than the other times. She felt him involved and touched. She was also involved and touched. He hugged her so strong before go into the room of departure that she felt pain on her shoulder. But the real pain was in her soul and on her entire body. She said nothing. He said nothing.

And they separated their bodies.

Say goodbye and look at the empty hand was heartbreaking. Feel the solitude and the silence around the body it was painful.

She remembered that she came back home and acted like a robot. Put things in order. Changed clothes. Washed some dishes. No music. Talk by phone with her family. Organized the next day. She could not eat. She could not drink. All her body was closed for any kind of material sensations. No hungry. No thirst. No need. Only demands.

In the next morning – he called her. I am just now leaving the plane. I miss you so much. Happy birthday.

It was true. She had forgotten – it was her birthday.

And now for some unknown reason – she could not sleep. Her job was so hard and work without sleep well it was much more hard. She just felt a nice sensation only when she came back home. Maybe because she didn’t need anymore expose her social smiled. At home and alone she could be herself for herself.

In fact she missed him. In fact he was so far. In fact life must go on. And they said goodbye other times before. Maybe it was not exactly this. But she didn’t know what kind of exactly was that strange feeling.

In the middle of the night – with her eyes well opened – the memories came to share the silence of the night. So many delicious phrases said for him came to her conscious awaked.

The first meeting it was amazing. In the first two seconds they recognize themselves. It could be nominated as the meeting of the body’s discovered. Surprises and pleasures were joking with them and they joked with the surprises and the pleasures. At the end of the meeting – the end of the trip – they understood about body chemical.

The second meeting it was different. In the first two days he was more inside himself. His own memories made him much more serious than usual. She knew that he was remembering hard situations and gave to him his time. After these days they became closer. At the end of the meeting – the end of the trip – they understood about complicity.

The third meeting it was the mix of the two. He was so opened. Could make jokes about pains and past. Could smile for nothing and for everything.

Could tell about lost and risks. She was so light and delighted. At the end of the meeting – the end of the trip – they understood about feelings.

The fourth meeting it was carried with mysteries.

It was the most difficult farewell.

At the end of the meeting – the end of the trip – they understood about missing.

There was an unbelievable construction of the affection. It was hard to say goodbye.

At the first moment she didn’t understand why.

But it was clear. In all those meeting they became to be one instead of two. Each part of the stories about each one – constructed one new story. And they became to be one. They self constructed each one by the words like a construction of a book.

With her eyes opened in the night she remembered a friend. One day he said – if you can’t explain it is because you can’t understand and when you can understand – you don’t need to explain.

She smiled. Smiled. Now she understood. Now she knew why could not sleep as well as during all her life. Now she could see the Future. Now she could see the line of the Life.

Now she felt the delicious and excited touch of the value of the Existence.

She got out from the bed and while drunk a glass of water she said to herself – now I am sure I will sleep as usual. Be with my eyes opened it was the reason for close in the right moment. And she felt a calm inside her so peacefully that promised nevermore forget those moments.

And in fact – nevermore – she forgot.

She smiled after faced the noise. It was really a fantastic surprise.

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