A HAND IN THE FOG

IX

It was the first time he would come to her country – to her city – to her home.

She remembered that one night he said to her that people are different when are at their own home. They feel much more safe and with a kind of power because know the place.

She smiled.

She was in silence thinking if she just her all over the World was insecure.

During almost a month before he would come – she began to organize her home. Little gifts. Some food that she knew he liked. She didn’t forget his preferred chocolate. She bought new sheets and of course new pillows.

Every evening – after the job – one new part of the organization was ready. She worked all day and at the end – came back home, parked the car and went walking to the stores close home.

Then came back home with some packages and talked with him by net.

As he said once about a cheese – it was a ritual.

But – there was a “between”.

First they would meet at the airport for a trip and after would come home.

A time to breath – she thought. She was in fact a little upset: she wanted so much that he felt good. Confortable. Warmish. Happy.

She discovered that she was living a phase full of “first time” on her life. Not only rituals. The “first time” was much more.

And a new surprise – everybody put the feelings of the “first time” like there was no value. The value was important after the first time – when an experience was born and created.

What a fool idea – she said this phrase in high voice while she was going in direction of the noise – and herself was surprised with her voice. She smiled.

Sometimes the memories need a sound to exist and confirm the happenings.

The dog was almost a partner of this confirmation. She barked in such a way that she knew exactly what she would met. Or the opposite – the dog knew exactly what she was thinking.

She stopped and touched the photo on the way to the noise. She touched his face so full of joy.

Are you sure, baby, that you are not afraid to fly into a helicopter? Are you sure? It is not to have any kind of angst. And are you sure also that go by boat to a waterfall will not make you feel uncomfortable? Ok. We will go together. Every detail is still planned. Just enjoy. And I am so happy because you want to go. I know you – I know your fears – even you hide them. But I know also your style when a partnership is requested.

And she went.

The helicopter there was without problem. It was a short route and a wonderful view. She was almost falling down from the helicopter. So excited.

The distance from the land and also from the sky made her feel between nothing. It was a delicious sensation. Not so high and not so down – between nothing and so much.

Just the sound could remember the movements – or the opposite. And she remembered one evening when they were talking very far one to another and he said – to have sound is necessary to have movement.

For many days she thought about the importance inside his phrase. Not only for the sound or the movements. She thought about the importance of the deductions and the consequences on the Life for itself. Since the voice until a gesture – all the movements were denounced by a sound. Perfect.

The boat.

It was a memorable experience.

She entered in the boat with him. She held his hand. She sit so calm. She held his hand. The boat trembled on the water. She held his hand. Sometimes a lot of water came into the boat. She held his hand. The driver made some terrible curves and the boat seemed be under the water. She held his hand. Finally they were in front of the waterfall so terribly cold. She held his hand. The water covered her face and eyes and she couldn’t see anything else. She held his hand. She said to him – what a delicious sensation. After some minutes the driver made a new curve and the boat reeved so much water. She held his hand.

When they stopped finally beside a pier – she left his hand.

Wait a minute, baby. I have to account my fingers. One…two…three…four… yes all are here. The ten. My hand is the same before the boat.

They smiled so much.

Some months after he said to her that – that boat trip was the most important proof of love that someone demonstrated to and for him. It was a delicious moment for him: the waterfall and her hand holding his hand because of the fear – but together.

It was one of the many “first time“ for her.

She learned another lesson – it doesn‘t matter the fear. With fear or without fear – things happen. There was no chance to change. Share is the best part of the Life – and of course a hand. She smiled again because the phrase was said in high voice – and of course a hand.

The memory was – for sure – having a funny time.

He entered in her home. That was a joke between them. The home box. It was a little apartment – of course very different from his huge apartment.

She smiled. One night, maybe one week before he comes, she asked what size were his shoes. He acted as always – made a joke. Do you think that my feet are so big and may not go inside your box? Do not worry. I can be sit with my legs close to me in some corner.

She smiled so much.

When they were into the airplane coming back to the home box after the little trip she was so tense – shaking the legs. She held his hand in a different way from the boat. She was happy and concerned – so many feelings colliding at the same time. But the happiness it was a real sensation. She was so much happy. Felicità – this was the right word.

She opened the door and said: come in my dear. Here is our box.

But after he entered at her home – he was so quiet. He excused by the jokes.

She read on his skin his thinking.

He saw all her care with the home box and understood everything that she did alone. He could imagine what she felt in that distance day when she moved alone. He looked at the objects and could read her story.

He understood all she had lost but also all she changed in gain. He looked at her books in the bookshelf and discovered her style of thinking. He was touched and maybe a little surprised.

Meeting out home is completely different to a meeting inside home. She knew his home first. Now he new her home and maybe knew her in another way.

She remembered that night when he said that people are different when are at their own home. Now she knew that the difference is not inside the person who lives in the home. The difference is inside the eyes of the person who come into. And sometimes the visitant and the host are inside a mirror. Both can reflect each other.

But this miracle just happens for few, much few.

She was sure that it was another “first time”.

He received the surprises and looked at her, touched so soft her face with both hands and kissed her with so much tender.

Happiness is an excellent partner of intimate comprehension. And she could feel all his love in the dark silence of the night. For the “first time” the home box seemed be huge.

In the early morning she woke up and looked at him beside her. A strong sensation of joy invaded her. With the most possible silence (she was in movement) – while he slept she wrote almost a poem.

I promise to myself

I will pay attention to the Time

as if the Time was a child

that needs to be well feed

well warmed

well cared

now I promise to myself

I will pay attention

for being alive.

The almost poem was deep in her mind – in her emotion. Maybe because of this she remembered in silence. No voice. Memories have also their own reasons. She respected.

She was in front of the noise.

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